Okay, so probably not anything new for most Mommy’s out there. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be when I became a mom. I had always wanted to be a mom. If Greenville College had a degree in Stay at Home Mom, I would have majored in it.
No one told me the things that you would experience once becoming a Mom. The roller coaster emotions, and I mean roller coaster, the weight gain, the total loss of your figure, the sleepless nights, the pain of child birth, but more than all of that, the fact that every day you feel like you lose just a bit more of yourself and who you are as a woman.
It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. The hardest part for me about being a mom is that I feel like I am losing who I am. The whole truth for why being a Mom is hard is that I am selfish and in turn I feel guilty for being selfish. So I beat myself up fighting selfishness and guilt.
I get frustrated with my kids because they won’t leave me alone long enough to do what I want to do. You know, fold the clothes, check my email, clean the bathroom, cook dinner, etc. At the root of all my day to day troubles is selfishness. But more than that, it is the fact that I am very aware of what I can’t do and how I am losing who I think is “me.” The root of my problems happens when I start focusing on myself.
A life changing thing happened to me the summer of 2007 at the Cincinnati Vineyard. I heard a message titled “I’m Third.” It was revolutionary. Simple as this- God FIRST, Others Second, and Me Third. Intentionally, every day put yourself LAST by putting GOD 1st and Others 2nd. Wow. I knew that was true. It’s so simple, right? It’s also really hard to do.
So when I get in a funk of “Woe is me, my life is so hard, I can’t do what I want to do…” I realize I’m not following this simple principle of intentionally placing myself last even though I feel like I’m last. I haven’t been placing myself there I’m feeling like I was put there. There’s a difference. A big difference.
So my guilty confession really turned in to a reprimand and reminder for myself. 
I hope it helped you too.
Am I alone here? Do you struggle with this too?
Kristyn, this is so incitive, and also so very true. I too wanted nothing more than to be a Mom, and I love it every day. However, there are moments, big ones, that I wish I could just have 5 minutes by myself. I would like to say that this gets better, as your kids grow, but not really. You are always worried about them, always want to make life easier for them, and always frustrated that “you”, seem to get put on the back burner. It is however, the most wonderful and fulfilling experience a woman can have in this world. It is definitely worth it. You are a great Mom!
Just the other day I at 47 had this overwhelming thought of I have lost myself moment…So glad you have this website so others can see we arent alone..You are so wise and so inspiring keep up the good work
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Funny that this is your topic. Gary and I have both said that one of the foremost problems in this society is selfishness. And roll it around in your head, Isn’t everything about us? Even when we do good, many times it is because we like how it makes us feel. However, just be there for your babies and all will work out. God knows our heart, and the one you possess is good.
I totally understand you and am right there with you! I fight selfishness everyday and feel guilty because I want to take time to clean up the house or check my email , ect ect. It’s hard! I know that my family and friends want me to be able to have time to myself and do things that I want to do, but then I feel guilty cause I’m not being a mom to Jacob. I know that it’s important to make sure that you do get time to yourself and with your husband without kids tagging along, but that should not consume you. I agree that if college offered a major in Stay at Home Mom I would be in the class with you! I’ll keep you in my prayers =) Thank you for sharing this – makes me feel that I am not alone =)
It really is good to see that we women share the exact same things in our feelings. I too, have been a stay at home Mom and loved that I did it, but didn’t love it all the time. Often I felt as if I wasn’t passing society and it’s standard because I didn’t work outside the home. Yet, my role was to be at home with my family.I too battled the guilt of “whatever” was pulling me around. It really does come down to the fact that we are selfish, Yet, I am convinced Moms are the farthest thing from selfish. WE must take time for “US” and do something to stop and smell the roses that are blooming around us. We are better moms when we do that. It is a fine line to balance between being selfish and using wisdom. Thanks for being honest Kristyn. You really aren’t alone in this struggle. As stated by someone in a previous comment, even when we get older we still struggle with similar issues> Focus on Jesus always helps in every circumstance we face…why oh why do we forget that some days?
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